Monday, October 18, 2021
Saturday, October 9, 2021
Friday, October 8, 2021
Thursday, September 30, 2021
Tuesday, September 28, 2021
As I work on addressing my issues, part of that is looking back on where I went wrong so that I don't go down that path again. The periods of retrospect have been painful but necessary. And while they do increase my anxiety, I'm glad to report that they haven't caused me to want to hide from my problems any more, But with that, I've discovered that if there's something I suck at more than coping with my fears, it's communicating.
Kind of ironic to me that an author can't communicate, but there it is. I can write stories effectively (or so I think), but I can't communicate one-on-one with an individual on more than a casual basis. I see this as a problem not only in my love life and the small quantity of girlfriends etc that I've had in my life, but also in the fact that I've never really had a true best friend except my wife. And I wouldn't have gotten to that point without her making the first moves. But I also sucked at communicating in that relationship.
Fast forward to today and I find myself trying to teach myself how to communicate like a baby giraffe taking it's first steps. I'm awkward at it, and the few steps I do take, I stumble on and come off looking wrong.
The recovery from alcoholism will be a hard road, but completely changing myself into someone that can communicate with others will be even harder. Yet this is necessary to the recovery if I'm not to fall into that same routine of hiding from my fears.